Category Archives: Marriage

You Never Know

amy and scottRecently, Amy and I got caught.  We did not know someone was watching.  We really did not even consider that someone might be watching.  We only found out when Alice told us. She came up to us after Bible classes a day or so later , “There they are!” she said. “My two sweethearts.  I saw you at the store the other day.”

She then told us that she and a friend were shopping and her friend pointed out a couple holding hands as they shopped, “Isn’t that sweet?!” Alice’s friend said as she point to the couple holding hands. “Ooh,” Alice cooed, “I wonder how long they have been married . . . Wait!” Alice stared harder, “That’s Mr. Scott and Mrs. Amy – he’s the preacher where I go to church and that’s his wife!”

I am glad we were caught.  I hope the world sees Amy and I holding hands as we are in the Mall, at Target, or Walmart. I hope that somehow the fact that we still hold hands after 26 years of marriage plus the nearly 2 years we dated will influence some other couple to be affectionate and to stick together.

When We Hold Hands

By B Scott McCown – September 08, 2015

 

When I hold your hand,

I am saying I love you.

When I hold your hand,

I am saying I care.

When I hold your hand,

I am keeping you near me.

When I hold your hand,

As we walk or in prayer.

 

When you hold my hand,

I know that you love me.

When you hold my hand,

I am walking on air.

When you hold my hand,

You are keeping me near you.

When you hold my hand,

One life – one path we share.

 

When we hold hands,

Others take notice.

When we hold hands,

Let the world stop and stare.

When we hold hands,

We are walking together.

When we hold hands,

Life’s burdens we can bear.

  • Scott

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Making Marriage Matter

This weekend Central is hosting an event we are calling Marriage Matters Weekend. We are looking forward to Dr. Danny Camp

Amy on our wedding day 8.12.89

Amy on our wedding day 8.12.89

being with us Friday night and Saturday morning. Our prayer is that our marriages will strengthen as a result of what we learn.

As I was thinking about this weekend, I looked through some older posts on Marriage and came across this one in the archives: One Day in a Happy Marriage.

Today you get a glimpse, just a few moments – 10 to be precise – of a happy marriage.  These are moments you can recreate in your marriage that, if you put into practice daily, will help your relationship grow exponentially.

  1. Start the day praying for your marriage.
  2. Say, “Good morning (insert affectionate term here), I love you.”
  3. Be affectionate: i.e. hold hands, hug, kiss (Kiss AFTER you brush away morning breath.  Nothing can kill a morning like morning breath).
  4. Embrace and kiss before you leave for work.
  5. If job(s) allow call each other a couple of times or text a few “I love you”s all along.
  6. Kiss and embrace when you get home. Growing up, we were not allowed to bombard Dad with all of our news, homework, etc. until after Mom welcomed him home with a kiss.  One we would “eww-gross” and try to break apart.
  7. Work on household chores together – including meal preparation.
  8. Sit on couch together while you read or watch TV.
  9. If children are small get them ready for bed – together.
  10. End the day with quiet time (quality time) together.

– Scott

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Marriage Matters!

Come join us for a great weekend.  You can register for the free even online at Marriage Matters:

 

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My Secret to 25

Amy on our wedding day 8.12.89

Amy on our wedding day 8.12.89

Twenty-five years ago today Amy and I walked back up the aisle at College Church of Christ (now University Church of Christ) in Montgomery, Alabama after Dr. Donnie Hilliard pronounced us husband and wife.  Twenty-five (25) years!

“Happy Anniversary, Amy!”

With the arrival of this milestone I want to let you in on our secret(s).  Here are a list of simple things that we do that I think no that I KNOW made 25 years possible and I know will make the next 25 even more wonderful.

  1. Say, “I love you” every day.
  2. Spend time together every day.
  3. Flirt, touch, and flirt some more each day.
  4. Talk together daily.
  5. Text if you cannot call when you are apart during the day.
  6. Do indoor and outdoor chores together.
  7. Find ways to serve your spouse daily.

    The two of us from two weeks ago.

    The two of us from two weeks ago.

  8. Forgive quickly.
  9. Apologize often.
  10. Sit together – close together.
  11. Did I mention to say, “I love you” every day?!

– Scott

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Strong Long-Lasting Marriages

I am on a marriage track this week. I suppose because our 25th Wedding Anniversary is just around the corner. How have we stayed together? How have both our parents’ marriages lasted for 50+ years? What makes for strong relationships in marriage? What

My answered prayer - Amy not the guitar!

My answered prayer – Amy not the guitar!

makes a marriage great? How can couples stay together for decades? How do two completely different people make a relationship last through family crisis, financial struggles, disease, and other disappointments?
First, I am not a marriage counselor, nor do I play one on TV. However, I have some suggestions and I have stayed at a Holiday Inn . . . . I have some marriage advice from my readings, study, and observations over the last few years (including my own 25 year marriage).

  1. Long-Term couples COMMIT to each other and to the relationship. The idea is what the Biblical writers call submission. When a couple submits to one another (cf. Eph 5:21) they are saying to their spouse, “You are more important than me.” One college professor reminded us that “we” comes before “I” in “wedding.”
  2. Long-Term couples UNDERSTAND (learn to understand) each other. You and your spouse are different people from differing backgrounds, and of different genders. You are in a mixed marriage and have to learn to know each other. Again the Biblical writers tells us to live with each other with understanding (cf. 1 Pet 3:7).
  3. Long-Term couples FORGIVE each other. I can only speak for myself, but I know there are things I said or did that hurt Amy. I needed, no need, and desperately desire forgiveness from her when I am in the wrong. (BTW: She is quick to forgive me and gentle to help me grow.) If I want forgiveness, I need to learn to forgive. Once again, we can learn from the Biblical writers who remind us to be forgiving to each other (cf. Eph 4:32).
  4. Long-Term couples learn to COPE with life’s struggles. The world has a way of stretching us like a taffy-pull or pulling us down like gravity itself. Apparently the cosmic forces of this world know when I am getting ahead in life, because that is when something needs repairing or replacing. And just when everyone seems to be healthy, someone gets sick or receives an unwanted diagnosis. Couples who make it through these times intact, learned through smaller struggles how to work together to get through them. Many if not most of them are able to cope because of their faith. The Apostle Paul makes the necessity of faith clear in confessing his struggles yet ability to survive and even express contentment (cf. Phil 4:10-13).
  5. Long-Term couples experience JOY together. They learn to enjoy spending time together. This goes back to the idea of submission. When we first married, I was young and thought I was masculine. I did not appreciate what we men-folk call “chick flicks.” However, I submitted to my wife and learned to enjoy them with her as we sit very close on the couch ;-). This idea of joy includes learning to laugh together – even at our mistakes. We can look back now and laugh at some of early days together. Remember a cheerful heart is like good medicine (cf. Prov 17:22) not just for you as an individual, but you and your spouse as “one-flesh.”
  6. Long-Term couples live in LOVE. Love is more than a feeling. Love is more than strong desire. Love is an active pursuit of pleasing and demonstrating care for the other person. Love attempts to outdo the other person in showing honor (cf. Rom 12:10). “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. . . . love will last forever.” (1 Cor 13;4-8 NLT).

Give these a try for the next 50 years and see if your marriage does not last.

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Marriage Assignment

While looking through some older files and blog posts I came accross this older post about marriage.  Since this was a Monday post and today is Monday, I thought I would repost it.

Good Monday!  It is time we begin our work week and time to reflect on our marriages.  I know, you know (or you need to know) that Marriage Matters.  Today is a simple list of five things that you can do today that are mostly free (one of them may cost $1.00  or so) to communicate to your husband or wife their importance to you.

  1. At some point today, take a moment to send an email, text message, Facebook message, or voice-mail to your husband or wife just to say, “I love you.”

    Amy and I on our 23rd Anniversary Get-a-Way

    Amy and I on our 23rd Anniversary Get-a-Way

  2. On your way to home today, stop by a convenience store or florist (one flower is enough for this exercise) and pick-out a small surprise for your spouse on the way home.
  3. Make an embrace and a kiss the FIRST thing you do when you see each other this evening.
  4. Do something unexpected (do a chore that they usually do – laundry, dishes, garbage, etc.)
  5. Hold hands while taking an evening walk together.

Have a great marriage.

– Scott

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What is Traditional Marriage?

Yesterday a Birmingham TV station ran the following story and posted it as discussion on Facebook: Same-sex Couples could be forced to file additional tax returns. The discussion on Facebook became divided over the

Joe and Bobby who are fighting the Alabama Tax Code. image via www.abc3340.com

Joe and Bobby who are fighting the Alabama Tax Code. image via http://www.abc3340.com

issue not of taxes but about marriage. After reading the article I became disillusioned with society as a whole and with those who claimed to be a Christians with their hateful posts.  That discussion prompted me to look over a few things I have written concerning marriage.  Below is a re-posting of an article I ran on this blog in April 2013.

“Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today. Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement. That dweam wifin a dweam,” says the clergyman in The Princess Bride. In character might I add, “Mawwage is vewy special.”   Marriage is a very special organism. Yes, organism! Marriage is a living, growing, adapting reality that is composed of multiple (two) parts that make up the whole. Jesus reminds us that “the two shall become one flesh.”  “Marriage,” says the Hebrew writer, should be “held in honor among all.”

Our current culture struggles to define marriage from a legal standpoint. Some states are passing laws that expand the definition of marriage, while others are passing law that supposedly “protect” marriage. This same discussion concerning the definition of marriage is going on not only in the United States, but also through out Europe. I recently learned that Scotland is again considering separating from British rule for self rule and one reason they are considering separation is so that they can redefine marriage to include same-sex unions.

What is marriage?  How should Christians around the globe view marriage?  What is traditional marriage? According to God’s Word (the Bible) who can enter into a marriage union?  To begin to answer those questions, lets simply start with the words of Jesus and the apostle Paul.

  • Matthew 19:4-9, “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 
  • Mark 10:6-12, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” 
  • 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
  • Eph 5:31-33, “”Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” . . . . However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
  1. According to Jesus and the apostle Paul: Marriage is one man and one woman for life.
  2. According to Jesus and the apostle Paul: Multiple wives (husbands) are not an option.
  3. According to Jesus and the apostle Paul: The divorced (except for adultery on the part of the other) sin if they remarry.

So, my fellow Christians, our government(s) already support a non-biblical definition of marriage when they allow for “no fault” divorce. Before we jump on the so-called “Traditional Marriage” bandwagon, we might need to get the mote out of our own eyes and start practicing the definition of marriage that Jesus and Paul lay before us.  Then we can not only have authentic marriages but we can have a positive influence on those around us to do the same.

Click HERE for a related blog I wrote in May of 2012.

Now, let the conversation begin!

– Scott

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